What Can I Bring?

There is something unnerving about being the one with little give. It is an overwhelming feeling to sit and offer your best and see how meager it looks amongst the lavish plenty the gifts around you. No one would point out that your small, handmade contribution, a scarf or cookies, is neither necessary or “just what they wanted.” How could they know that their gift cost late nights and cranky toddler mornings and the last of my cough syrup or the $5 you wanted to spend on razors last month?  They thank you graciously and move on to the next gift. The larger gift, the more interesting gift, and, let's face it- the more desirable gift.

I was still stewing over how out-of-place I felt at our holiday meal as my legs itched and I hoped the last of my deodorant was strong enough for all the hugs. In the light of day I regretted prattling on about the surprise missing pay and wanting to do better. If nothing else, I could have gifted them with a cheerful heart and saved them my griping. If only I saved my dignity…

What good would that have been? How much more worth is my humility?

My son is singing Little Drummer Boy. “Bom-bom-bom. Gift for a King. Bom-Bom-Bom Bom.” His little three-year-old voice sings out. In the back of my mind I hear another refrain. In the Bleak Midwinter was always a favorite of mine but I had not thought of the second verse in a long time.

“What can I bring him

Poor that I am?

If I were a Shepherd

I would bring a lamb.

If I were a Wise man

I would do my part.

But what have I to give him?

-Give my heart.”

With money so tight God has been training me how to use it these last few months. Tithing. Giving. I made so many excuses. Finally, by July I started giving in. There have been some lapses and whining; “Is the church really going to miss my $80 a month more than I’ll miss my heat if I don’t pay the gas bill?” Then I am reminded - My Father owns the cattle on a thousand hills. He can provide for my church with or without my help. He can also provide for me. He has big plans for me. If I cannot trust him with little, how can I trust him for much? What use am I to him with my talents buried in the ground? Can I give $10? Can I give 10%? Can I empty my wallet at his altar and do so joyfully? He promises blessings for those who give for him.

My blessing today was the renewed gift of humility and a joy from the God who placed his most costly, homemade gift into a world that said, “Oh that’s nice.” and reached for the next gift.